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IMG Residency Match Forum International Medical Graduates (IMGs) discussing the residency matching process.


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  #1  
Old 08-27-2014
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Default Depressed

Hi guys,
I am here to share my story. This is my first post here.It is actually kind of weird and I don't know if this is the right place to discuss it. But whatever,

So I am a grad of 2013 , finished with all steps with decent , 240 + scores. You all must be thinking that I should be happy and preparing for IVs . But I think I am clinically depressed. I got my ck score on 13 august, decent score ,yet I wasn't happy . I have not been able to complete my PS or my application. I have no motivation for it . All day long thoughts about something going wrong hover in my mind.I have lost 5 pounds in the last 2 months, am me having sleeping problems and literally anyone I tell that I have some problem because of usmle , they dismiss me by saying you have good scores , why the hell are you bothering us.
I feel that I won't get a single IV or maybe very few and go unmatched. My parents arranged money for my usmle somehow, I belong to a lower middle class family in India , no one of my family hasn't been to even Delhi , leave apart US. Now I feel I will put them down by not matching.Its tough to be poor , tougher to be poor and a dreamer
I am in a mess, I was working in aha hospital to support myself but had to leave the job to prepare for Ck.all my savings from last year have vanished with my exam fee and us trip for cs and uworld qbanks. During my cs trip I was going from one seniors home to another .thank god they were understanding and helpful.
My family doesn't understand usmle one bit . I have to explain them multiple times what I am doing , but it's a disaster . My friends have joined their residencies in India , and although I was brighter than them , am still stuck here without a future
Even if I do get IVs I don't know how will I finance my trip . Last trip to the US I was on a coke and banana diet , sometimes burgers and fries from McDonald,because well they are the cheapest , but with no money left I have no idea how to apply to 150 programs and arrange my trip.


So what should I do , I can apply to 80 programs maxed maybe 100 .

Will I match someplace. It may be a like in some marshland with crocodiles and you have to swim to get there , I will take that .

What if I do unmatched . Should I give up?

Last edited by Depressed soul; 08-27-2014 at 05:29 PM.
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  #2  
Old 08-27-2014
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Wow so this is a loaded post. I will just give you advice on the number of programs you need to apply to. If i were you and in your financial situation I would just apply to 40 programs MAX (especially with your amazing scores!). Most of them should be in the NYC and NJ area (easiest to match in my opinion for FMGs) especially if your trying to match into FM or IM. Just get a hold of yourself buddy and write your PS and complete that application! The hard part is over (medical school) now just get your **** together and do this (pardon my french) GOOD LUCK! oh by the way YOUR SCORES ARE AMAZING!!!
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  #3  
Old 08-27-2014
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Keep the chin up, and keep moving forward!

Many applicants have the same anxiety and doubt about matching, especially when times are tough. No medication in the world is going to allay the anxiety and feelings of self doubt over the next few weeks for those applying this year. That said, if you find yourself not coping with life, then you should talk to a professional.

I've said it before here, but "if you're not in, you can't win".
You've made it this far and you owe it to yourself and family to continue on with the application and interviews.

Bankrolling this entire endeavor is not easy. I was in a somewhat similar situation to you (and still am). I was raising a family with no disposable income to pay for flights, exams, etc.
Luckily I had the option of putting money on credit cards, but it was a very difficult decision to do that. I had never owed anyone money before med school. Like you, I had family support for my CS trip to the US, but after that I was on my own. My interview trips cost a lot of money and I'm in a position now where I am only able to pay back the absolute minimum on credit card payments (because a resident's salary is not that good!). I haven't a spare dollar to spend on anything extra right now.

Like you, I derived absolutely no pleasure from passing my CS and getting ECFMG certified. When interviews came in, I originally saw them as a hindrance and a money pit, rather than being excited and enjoying them like I should have.

Then, after interview season was over, I forced myself to resign to the fact that the whole process was now out of my hands and that I had to continue doing whatever I needed to do to move forward in the event that I didn't match somewhere.

Until then, try to come to some sort of arrangement with your psyche that you have ONE thing to do until the end of interview season - put together the best application that you can. After that, it is out of your hands. In the meantime, start thinking of ways to generate funds for interviews.

While it's easy for me to sit back and analyze, you're letting this whole process be all consuming. You need to take ownership of the issue until your application is sent in. And you know what, it's actually a good thing to be stuck for funds when you are selecting programs - you think about the programs you are selecting a whole lot more and I think that's the way to go. There's no point putting down a program that you know (in your heart) that you wouldn't be happy with. It was mostly due to financial reasons that I only selected 62 programs. I saw absolutely no point in applying to more (and lesser) programs that I knew I didn't really want.

So.... on your last point, I disagree - do NOT apply to the 'marshland with crocodiles' type program because it's NOT what you really want. I don't know what your visa status is, but to me, it's not worth working your ass off for some of these borderline slave-labor programs for 3 years and then have difficulty finding a fellowship here or having to go back home.

Anyway, I feel for you. You aren't alone. Financial problems do nothing for the psyche.
Hopefully for you, there'll be light at the end of the tunnel that is the 'Match'.
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  #4  
Old 08-27-2014
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Thanks for ur replies.I am trying to find a job so that I can make my bankroll.The only positive thing is that I am single , no wife or kids to support.I will apply to IM and paediatrics . Hopeful of matching . I have written a rough draft of my PS and have to work on it now.U think 2 weeks are enuf to work on it??
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  #5  
Old 08-27-2014
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Wow. Great answer from USMLEeire, heed his advice!

Hey man, believe me, you are not alone when you say you are in financial trouble. As USMLEeire, I also started using credit cards and am paying the minimum trying to hold on until I can get to a residency in the US to start paying it off. Apply to all the programs that you can afford without getting yourself to jail. That is the name of the game.

As for the depression part, well, yea, I also think you should get some help if you really feel like it.

Also, I do not want to be a debby downer here, but its good to be prepared for the worse. As for what are you going to do if you dont match, I do not know, because I dont know what kind of jobs you can get over there, but I bet something will come up. You are a bright person, just look back at all that you have accomplished. If you dont match, hold on to your trousers for 1 more year, and apply again, with more experience, maybe you can improve your CV with more USCE or research experience.

Your dream is good, and you are almost there. There are people out there that have nothing. You have education, a dream, clear objectives and are not alone.
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  #6  
Old 08-28-2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Depressed soul View Post
Thanks for ur replies.I am trying to find a job so that I can make my bankroll.The only positive thing is that I am single , no wife or kids to support.I will apply to IM and paediatrics . Hopeful of matching . I have written a rough draft of my PS and have to work on it now.U think 2 weeks are enuf to work on it??
it better be because im in the same boat!
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  #7  
Old 08-28-2014
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Hey, I don't even want to call you by your forum name...

Brother, You are a survivor, you have an amazing profile and you took the risk to have a chance at a better life in-spite of your finances. Trust me it is not easy to get thru these exams and expenses, and you came out as a winner already. Be proud of that fact and be an inspiration for yourself.

I regret even today that I didn't take the risk when I had the chance of choosing between colleges (because of my finances), a regret that will probably stay with me forever. So, it's okay if it is difficult for a few months, don't back off and cripple yourself because of finances. You'll eventually find a way- though easier said than done.

This difficulty should give you an even greater reason to come out strong and undeterred. Make this your strength and fight for it. You are almost there.

All the best.
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  #8  
Old 08-29-2014
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Its threads like these that make the rest of us realise how lucky we are not having major money issues.
Kudos to the great replies above!

Depressed Soul I feel for you.
But hang in there, you will match at a good place Im sure.
you must be optimistic coz the moment you lose hope what else is left?
I suggest you watch Pursuit of Happyness or Shawshank Redemption they really lift me every time I watch them.
Good Luck and tell us how the Match season goes for you.

Last edited by pranavmerchant; 08-29-2014 at 04:27 AM.
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