USMLE JOKEs - USMLE Forums
USMLE Forums Logo
USMLE Forums         Your Reliable USMLE Online Community     Members     Posts
Home
USMLE Articles
USMLE News
USMLE Polls
USMLE Books
USMLE Apps
Go Back   USMLE Forums > USMLE Step 1 Forum

USMLE Step 1 Forum USMLE Step 1 Discussion Forum: Let's talk about anything related to USMLE Step 1 exam


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-27-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Talking USMLE JOKEs

hey guys i was wondering for jokes related to usmle..LOL

JUST CHILLAX... /for a minute

lets see who has best joke ever....

nm..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aktorque (05-25-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), justfree (05-25-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), pass7 (06-05-2011), soso84 (04-27-2011)



  #2  
Old 04-27-2011
USMLE Forums Newbie
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 6
Threads: 0
Thanked 30 Times in 2 Posts
Reputation: 40
Cool Going clubbing?

Why don't you ever take Aspirin to the club to meet chicks?

HY Ans: Because it's an undeniable cox-blocker
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aktorque (04-27-2011), ashishkabir (04-27-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), ddaydreamer (11-06-2013), dr_kg (06-30-2013), geo82 (07-01-2013), heights (04-27-2011), ICUdoc (10-28-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), justfree (05-25-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), noothan (04-28-2011), singthesong (06-30-2013), Syed Hasan (10-28-2011)
  #3  
Old 04-27-2011
Dr_Laura's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS
Posts: 499
Threads: 85
Thanked 529 Times in 222 Posts
Reputation: 539
Default

LMAO!!!! Good way to start the morning...


Hope you all have a great study day with lost of learning!

XOXO
__________________
YouTube:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Facebook:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aktorque (04-27-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012)
 
  #4  
Old 04-27-2011
ashishkabir's Avatar
USMLE Forums Master
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS+3
Posts: 625
Threads: 19
Thanked 371 Times in 220 Posts
Reputation: 391
Default

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.


'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks can rot your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aknz (04-27-2011), aktorque (04-27-2011), bebix (04-27-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), emrbu8 (04-27-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), Haisook (04-27-2011), Hope2Pass (04-27-2011), ibmsyd (04-28-2011), ibukun (04-27-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), mle guy (10-27-2011), noothan (04-28-2011), Novobiocin (06-30-2013), nsesereso (06-30-2013), Proxery (05-25-2011), singthesong (06-30-2013), terminator (10-27-2011)
  #5  
Old 04-27-2011
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 417
Threads: 74
Thanked 129 Times in 93 Posts
Reputation: 139
Default

lol cool.
so a man punched ran into the doctor's office and punched him, the doctor asked him why did he do that? the man said you told my wife that she has cute Vagina. Doc: no i said that she has acute angine.
the man hit the doctor again! lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aknz (04-27-2011), aktorque (04-27-2011), ashishkabir (04-27-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), heights (04-27-2011), ICUdoc (10-28-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), mle guy (10-27-2011), noothan (04-28-2011), nsesereso (06-30-2013), Syed Hasan (10-28-2011), tinhi (01-15-2012)
  #6  
Old 04-27-2011
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 487
Threads: 95
Thanked 1,458 Times in 356 Posts
Reputation: 1468
Show Teeth

I love jokes ... here is my contribution...







Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aknz (04-27-2011), ashishkabir (04-27-2011), emrbu8 (04-28-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), heights (04-27-2011), INCOGNITO (06-04-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), noothan (04-28-2011), Pachys (08-01-2013)
  #7  
Old 04-27-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default

PETER...

PROSTATE EXAM....LMAO
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aktorque (04-28-2011)
  #8  
Old 04-28-2011
USMLE Forums Newbie
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 6
Threads: 0
Thanked 30 Times in 2 Posts
Reputation: 40
Cool ER Call

A tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.

"Please doctor, please, could you come right over? My child just swallowed a Viagra!"

The doctor was just about to leave his house when the phone rang again. "Oh, Doctor, you don't have to come after all," said the woman with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
7802 (05-17-2011), aktorque (04-28-2011), bebix (04-28-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), docangel101 (04-28-2011), dr_kg (06-30-2013), Dr.MMA (07-02-2013), geo82 (07-01-2013), heights (04-28-2011), ICUdoc (10-28-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), noothan (05-16-2011), nsesereso (06-30-2013), Proxery (05-25-2011), sibb (10-28-2011), Syed Hasan (10-28-2011)
  #9  
Old 05-16-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default

Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
7802 (05-17-2011), aktorque (05-25-2011), bebix (05-16-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), doctorsmonsters (05-18-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), rg99 (07-28-2013)
  #10  
Old 05-24-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default

Sam: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Never mind, you'll pass eventually. Sam: But I'm the examiner!


Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.


A man goes to see his doctor. He pokes himself in the arm, leg, and torso, complaining that it hurts when he does this. The doctor asked him if he was Polish. The man replied that he was. To which the doctor replied that the finger was broken.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
7802 (05-25-2011), aktorque (05-25-2011), ashishkabir (05-24-2011), Claus_CU (06-28-2011), Dr_Laura (05-25-2011), dr_ram (05-26-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013)
  #11  
Old 05-25-2011
USMLE Forums Addict
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 103
Threads: 46
Thanked 171 Times in 48 Posts
Reputation: 181
Default

Que: What do you call a person with five brothers and five sisters?
Ans: Fibrosis.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
aktorque (05-25-2011), ashishkabir (05-25-2011), dr_kg (06-30-2013), dr_ram (05-26-2011), DrGaliver (06-30-2013), emrbu8 (05-25-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), justfree (05-25-2011), kcub (05-25-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), Novobiocin (06-30-2013), nsesereso (06-30-2013), Oscaryasser (10-25-2013), sibb (10-28-2011), tinhi (01-16-2012)
  #12  
Old 05-25-2011
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 58
Threads: 8
Thanked 19 Times in 15 Posts
Reputation: 29
Default

tagged to come back at later
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), parag03 (07-01-2013)
  #13  
Old 05-25-2011
bebix's Avatar
USMLE Forums Master
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS+3
Posts: 1,357
Threads: 194
Thanked 3,259 Times in 881 Posts
Reputation: 3269
Default

USMLE JOKEs-heart-cartoon.jpg
USMLE JOKEs-stem-cell-cartoon-2.gif
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
Claus_CU (06-28-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), Novobiocin (06-30-2013)
  #14  
Old 06-04-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default new medical dictionary....:)

Anti-Body : against everyone
Artery : study of paintings
Bandages : The Rolling Stones
Bacteria : back door to a cafeteria
Barium : what to do when treatment fails (Bury em)
Botulism : tendency to make mistakes
Bowel: letters lik A E I O or U
Caesarean Section : a district in Rome
Cardiology : advanced study of card games.
Cat Scan : searching for ones lost kitty
Cauterize : made eye contact with her
Coma : punctuation mark
Congenital : friendly
Cortisone : the local courthouse
Dilate : to live long (die late)
Enteritis : a penchant for burglary
Genes : blue denim slacks
Hangnail :coat hook
Hemorrhoid : a male From outer space
Herpes : what women do in the Ladies Room
Hormones : what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
ICU : Caught you
Labor Pain : hurt at work
Medical Staff : a doctor's cane
Minor Operation: coal digging
Morbid : a higher bid
Nitrate : cheaper than the Day Rate
Node: was aware of (knowed)
Organ transplant : what you do to your piano when you move
Organic : organ repairman
Outpatient : a person who has fainted
Pathological : a reasonable way to go (logical path)
Pharmacist : person who makes a living dealing in agriculture (farm assist)
Post-Operative: a letter carrier
Protein: in favor of young people (pro-teen)
Recovery: Room place to upholster furniture
Red blood count : Dracula
Saline : where you go on your boyfriend's boat (sailing)
Secretion : hiding something
Surgery: a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply (surge-surgery)
Sterile solution : not using the elevator during a fire
Tablet : a small table
Terminal Illness :getting sick at the airport terminal
Tibia : country in North Africa
Tumor : an extra pair (two more)
Varicose : nearby (very close)
Urine : opposite of "You're Out
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
Claus_CU (06-28-2011), emrbu8 (06-04-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), justfree (06-04-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), Novobiocin (06-30-2013), Pachys (08-01-2013)
  #15  
Old 06-04-2011
axax's Avatar
USMLE Forums Addict
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS
Posts: 115
Threads: 3
Thanked 266 Times in 41 Posts
Reputation: 276
Default

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a gynecologist.”
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
Claus_CU (06-28-2011), docji (06-06-2011), geo82 (07-01-2013), ICUdoc (10-28-2011), INCOGNITO (05-12-2012), justfree (06-04-2011), mle guy (10-27-2011), nsesereso (06-30-2013)



  #16  
Old 10-26-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default

which drug comes in mind after watching this cartoon series..
Attached Thumbnails
USMLE JOKEs-smurf.jpg  
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
doc Mm (10-29-2011), sibb (10-28-2011)
  #17  
Old 10-27-2011
mle guy's Avatar
USMLE Forums Veteran
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS+3
Posts: 264
Threads: 16
Thanked 349 Times in 165 Posts
Reputation: 359
Show Teeth

Quote:
Originally Posted by INCOGNITO View Post
which drug comes in mind after watching this cartoon series..
looking at this pic, a condom comes to mind
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #18  
Old 10-27-2011
INCOGNITO's Avatar
USMLE Forums Guru
 
Steps History: Step 1 Only
Posts: 343
Threads: 127
Thanked 522 Times in 192 Posts
Reputation: 532
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by incognito View Post
which drug comes in mind after watching this cartoon series..happy-2
amiodarone---smurf skin dude...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
doc Mm (10-29-2011), dr_kg (06-30-2013), DrGaliver (06-30-2013)
  #19  
Old 06-30-2013
udonwogu's Avatar
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: 1 + CK
Posts: 83
Threads: 8
Thanked 49 Times in 29 Posts
Reputation: 59
Default lmao

i Found this thread and i think it should be awakened... wud really help with the tension around....
Attached Thumbnails
USMLE JOKEs-joke.jpg   USMLE JOKEs-prescription.jpg  
__________________
Do not give up on a dream because of how long it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
geo82 (07-01-2013), Novobiocin (06-30-2013), singthesong (06-30-2013)
  #20  
Old 07-01-2013
mutant's Avatar
USMLE Forums Addict
 
Steps History: Not yet
Posts: 142
Threads: 21
Thanked 82 Times in 54 Posts
Reputation: 92
Smile

How about this?
Attached Thumbnails
USMLE JOKEs-317936_377621318965967_829795024_n.jpg  
__________________
What you seek is seeking you — Rumi
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
geo82 (07-01-2013), udonwogu (07-01-2013)
  #21  
Old 07-01-2013
Gtius's Avatar
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: 1 + CS
Posts: 35
Threads: 3
Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts
Reputation: 27
Default This thread is awesome!

A woman told the vet that something was wrong with her dog. He examined the animal and told her the dog was dead.

"I don't believe you", she said, "I'd like a second opinion"

The vet said that would be fine. He went into the other room and got a cat. He put the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffed the dog and jumped down. The vet then got a black lab, put him on the table and the lab sniffed and jumped down.

The vet tells the lady again, "I'm sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be $600 for the exam."

"$600 is ridiculous, what are the charges for?" she exclaimed.

"$600 is a bargain," the vet explained. "$50 for me and only $550 for the cat scan and lab work."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
dr_kg (07-01-2013), geo82 (07-01-2013), udonwogu (07-01-2013), wenskyrose (07-09-2013)
  #22  
Old 07-01-2013
udonwogu's Avatar
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: 1 + CK
Posts: 83
Threads: 8
Thanked 49 Times in 29 Posts
Reputation: 59
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gtius View Post
A woman told the vet that something was wrong with her dog. He examined the animal and told her the dog was dead.

"I don't believe you", she said, "I'd like a second opinion"

The vet said that would be fine. He went into the other room and got a cat. He put the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffed the dog and jumped down. The vet then got a black lab, put him on the table and the lab sniffed and jumped down.

The vet tells the lady again, "I'm sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be $600 for the exam."

"$600 is ridiculous, what are the charges for?" she exclaimed.

"$600 is a bargain," the vet explained. "$50 for me and only $550 for the cat scan and lab work."

that's a good one. smart vet.
__________________
Do not give up on a dream because of how long it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #23  
Old 07-08-2013
USMLE Forums Addict
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS
Posts: 165
Threads: 8
Thanked 75 Times in 54 Posts
Reputation: 85
Default

USMLE score is like penis size.
It's impolite to ask to someone you barely know
Some convinced the bigger the better
Some people like to brag about it
Some insecure people lie about theirs
Some people are envious about other's

And in the end,
The truth is,
It's the whole "package" that matters
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
Anwar (10-24-2013)
  #24  
Old 10-24-2013
Anwar's Avatar
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS+3
Posts: 97
Threads: 16
Thanked 63 Times in 22 Posts
Reputation: 73
Default

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, "What are you in here for?"

The other says, "Circumcision."

The first boy says "Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #25  
Old 10-25-2013
USMLE Forums Scout
 
Steps History: 1+CK+CS
Posts: 41
Threads: 20
Thanked 24 Times in 10 Posts
Reputation: 34
Default MUscle function

Rotator of the neck? Gluteus maximus
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
The above post was thanked by:
asioqua (10-25-2013), INCOGNITO (02-16-2014)






Reply

Tags
Off-Topics-

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the USMLE Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:
Medical School
Choose "---" if you don't want to tell. AMG for US & Canadian medical schools. IMG for all other medical schools.
USMLE Steps History
What steps finished! Example: 1+CK+CS+3 = Passed Step 1, Step 2 CK, Step 2 CS, and Step 3.

Choose "---" if you don't want to tell.

Favorite USMLE Books
What USMLE books you really think are useful. Leave blank if you don't want to tell.
Location
Where you live. Leave blank if you don't want to tell.

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes


RSS Feed
Find Us on Facebook
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

USMLE® & other trade marks belong to their respective owners, read full disclaimer
USMLE Forums created under Creative Commons 3.0 License. (2009-2014)